What I Learned from the F Word: From Failure to Fortune
Posted by ablack on Jun. 28, 2017 / Opinion, Misc. / Subscribe 0
“Successful people are not people who never fail. They’re people who know how to fail really, really well” (Karen Salmansohn).
Failure is part of life, but I never explicitly learned how to handle failure in productive ways. I was originally reading Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and The Bounce Back Book by Karen Salmansohn to learn about personal grieving and loss. The books are about so much more, and I found something I didn’t know I was looking for. I found that resilience was one of the keys to strong marketing professionals. These techniques aren’t just helpful in my personal struggles; they are tools for my career in marketing professional services. These tools help the marketing professional with personalization, feedback, perfection, loss, rejection, and more.
Marketing professional services is a unique career. I continue to improve my marketing skills including document layout, writing, presentations and graphics. As I dive deeper into my career, resilience is another skill that takes a significant amount of awareness and practice.
Warning: description of a proposal loss ahead.
As marketing professionals, we take ownership of each pursuit. We customize each submission and leave it all on the page. We comply with everything requested – checking each box. We put hours into perfecting every detail until we feel confident with our submission.
We feel the joys of being asked to interview for the project. We practice and strategize with our teams. This is the moment for which we have trained. We’re perfect for this project.
You wait for days that feel like months or months that feel like years. You anxiously refresh your browser and inbox.
Then you receive the letter – your firm wasn’t selected. Your heart drops followed by your neck’s strength.
Several of my marketing role models have their own stories. The more time you have invested, the harder it hurts. Everyone’s loss is unique.
Rejection doesn’t go away and neither does the pain of rejection, but some of the strongest marketing professionals are those that bounce back quickly. Failure and resilience are part of the job.
The techniques below are helpful with adversity, loss, failure, rejection and more. They have also helped me to become a better support system for others who go through their own struggles. Here are some ways to turn failure into fortune.
Avoid the three Ps.
Martin Seligman found that the following 3 P’s can stunt recovery:
- Personalization — the belief that we are at fault
- Pervasiveness — the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life
- Permanence — the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever
“It’s not only the event itself, but the way we explain the event to ourselves that causes depression” (Salmansohn).
The book continues, “What beliefs has your adversity triggered? What type of person does it make you feel like?” Salmansohn urges us to be aware of our negative self-talk.
I’m not good enough. (personal)
I’ll never be able to do this. (permanence)
This always happens. (pervasive)
Talk about it.
Always debrief with your team and your client. Keep a couple of rules in mind. Salmansohn explains that if you ask the wrong questions, you’re going to get the wrong answers. Why didn’t I…? What if…? Or Why me? These questions slow our recovery time and personalize the situation. Instead, make sure your debrief questions and your self-talk are geared toward productive questions. What can I do to move forward? What’s within my control? How can I grow from this challenge? It’s very important to keep personalization out of a debrief conversation to avoid a defensive meeting.
Sandberg discusses the importance of acknowledging her situation with her team, which helped her feel less isolated. When we validate our team members on their experiences, we’re building a supportive team that encourages growth from rejection.
“Teams that focus on learning from failure outperform those that don't.” For Sandberg, failure is a learning opportunity.
Avoid iceberg beliefs.
“Iceberg beliefs are thoughts that float beneath the surface of your consciousness: powerful forces that can significantly undermine your resilience and cause you to overreact to a situation” (Salmansohn). These are like the three Ps. They sound like self-doubt and disguise themselves as actual truths. One way to overcome iceberg beliefs is to write a proof of inaccuracy next to each iceberg belief.
Finally, I’ll end with a poem, Autobiography In Five Short Chapters, written by Portia Nelson
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
To me, this poem illustrates my journey of self-awareness. There are times where I am aware that I personalize a situation, I fall in a hole, and it takes me a while to get out. There are times of growth where I can catch myself ruminating, and I get out of the hole immediately. I sometimes bounce back faster than I have in the past. I’m still working on walking down another street, which means trying these productive habits when adversity crosses my path. Sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded that there are other roads and that you aren’t always walking alone.
Sources:
Option B by Sheryl Sandberg
The Bounce Back Book by Karen Salmansohn
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson
Jennifer Giralo
Marketing Coordinator, Archer Western Construction
Jennifer has been in the A/E/C industry for the past five years and a SMPS member for four years. She was previously the SMPS website chair and will have an active role within the chapter in the upcoming 2017-2018 year. Jennifer is improviser, she creates stories and characters onstage. She also performs one-woman musicals in her car during her commutes.
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