The Bathroom Diaries
Posted by ablack on Jan. 27, 2015 / Subscribe 0
Most everyone I know outside AEC thinks that marketing for this industry is your standard eight-to-fiver; the good ol’ 40-then-your-done job; the hang-up-your-hat-at-the-end-of-the-day-before-you-go-home-and-forget-about-it job. Those who actually do AEC marketing know that it’s more of a run-around-like-a-chicken-with-its-head-cut-off type of a job, or a wrap-it-up-on-Friday-afternoon-only-to-worry-about-it-all-weekend sort of a gig. Either way, any AEC marketer can tell you that 40 hours is a pipe dream. Most of us will probably log no less than 50 hours average on any given week, and many of us log a great deal more than that. But that really only takes into account the hours spent in the office or at work related functions and other industry events. It doesn’t take into account the other 10-15 hours spent in the bathroom. That’s right; you heard me… ‘the John,’ ‘the Loo,’ ‘the Crapper,’ ‘the Bog,’ ‘the Head,’ ‘the Dunny,’ ‘El Baño.’ We aren’t the only industry guilty of this, and if you aren’t quite ready to admit it out loud, don’t worry. I’m not asking you to. But there’s a reason why skits like SNL’s Bathroom Businessman make us laugh in a BIG way.
Now I can tell that some of you are already on the brink of dismissing me outright because this post isn’t SERIOUS enough. But this isn’t just a post about bathroom humor. Believe me; I’m talking about serious sh*t here…yeah, pun intended. Let’s examine the evidence.
Public Restrooms and the Workaholic:
Here’s a scenario for you. You’re out with a few friends trying to “unplug from work” at your favorite restaurant. It isn’t long before you realize that your decision to the break the seal earlier that evening is starting to catch up with you. You discretely make your way to ‘the powder room.’ Once inside the tiny odiferous chamber, you carefully select the ideal stall in which to do your business, swing the stall door open and grimace slightly. You reach for the awkward toilet seat cover and do your best to wrap the dreaded public seat in its entirety. You assume the position.
About a second later, someone else joins you in the restroom. They end up selecting the stall adjacent to yours and it isn’t long before you realize that they are typing an extremely lengthy email. Let’s face it; there is just no mistaking the tell-tale sound of a clicking smart phone screen. Or worse yet, they are dictating a message using talk-to-text. I distinctly remember this happening to me about a year ago. Apparently, the other person thought they were alone. To avoid our mutual embarrassment, I gave the courtesy clearing-of-the-throat followed by the unwrapping of an unused TP roll as a clear signal that she in fact DID have company. She went quiet, which made me extremely uncomfortable. And just as I starting thinking about breaking the silence with an Austin Power’s “Who does number two work for” reference, she started laughing. So I did too.
I’m always really amused by bathroom e-mailers, especially since the email (or dictation in some cases) is almost always work-related. Honestly, who cares enough about their personal emails to respond from a public restroom anyway? You know who you are. You know that shamefully, this has been you from time to time; you’ve been that person in the adjacent stall emailing co-workers from ‘the can.’ Typical. There you are, trying to get away from work by kickin’ back a few with some friends at a local watering hole, but instead you end up letting work follow you right into ‘the bean-jacks.’ But hey! In defense of the Bathroom Businessman in all of us, some of this crap just can’t wait.
Networking Events & the Unexpected Bathroom Buddy:
Here’s another scenario for you. You’re at an industry event, slowly slinking through the crowds looking desperately to saddle up to someone cool so that you aren’t the only loser in the room without someone to talk to. And then, out of the corner of your eye, you spot that big-wig that you’ve been trying to get in touch with for months. You start making your way that direction. And although just a second ago you were struggling to find a networking buddy, now that you actually have a potential client targeted, you are suddenly thwarted at every turn. You’re pulled aside by an industry cohort for a quick hello…then you run into an old colleague who REALLY wants to reminisce about the old days...and now your drink is empty, damn it, and you have to track down a server (heaven forbid you approach this big-wig without adequate armor). By the time you reach your destination, the big-wig is LONG GONE. Perfect. Guess it’s time to visit ‘the biffy.’
And then it happens. You fortuitously run into your big-wig in (you guessed it) 'the poop stoop.’ You decide that this is your moment to be bold and strike up a conversation. And big-wig is surprisingly receptive to your introduction! Maybe because it seems more like happenstance than intention, but it has been my experience that people are actually very amenable (although unwittingly so) to this type of introduction. Before you know it, you’ve made a new bathroom buddy; your card is in their hand and you are well on your way to a lunch meeting next week. Go figure. “Yes, Mr. Vice President, that networking event was WELL worth it, thanks PURELY to my charming personality, wit and charisma and, of course, my talents as a BD professional.” No need to mention my bladder’s contribution as wing man…
Master Baths & Creative Epiphanies:
Final scenario. You’ve had a long work week already and it’s only Tuesday…Tuesday morning, to be exact…10:00 AM. It isn’t even Tuesday afternoon yet and you are already wishing for Friday. Is it really going to be one of those weeks AGAIN?!?! Tasks are flying at you at unprecedented speeds, but somehow the day still seems to drag. This is an exhausting combination to be sure, but with enough caffeine you somehow muddle your way through to 7:30 PM when you finally pull into your driveway. So what now? After a day when being busy did not equal productivity – a day when your best efforts at solving what seems like an unsolvable problem have yet to yield any meaningful results - what might you do to unwind? For me, there’s really only one answer to this question. The master bath.
There seems to be nothing better sometimes than treating myself to a nice long soak after a lousy day. And the water has to be hot, really hot, almost to the point of scalding me; if it’s done right, the dew point should transform my bathroom into a sauna. At first glance, it might appear as though I’m doing nothing, like I’m just relaxing chin-deep in a sea of suds and bubbles. But just as I’m about to doze off, my cocktail on the verge of becoming one with the water, an epiphany! I come up with the perfect solution to that pesky problem that had plagued me so relentlessly all day. Apparently, my subconscious was hard at work while the rest of me was checking out. And although this post’s first few paragraphs might have suggested otherwise, I’m not full of bull'. There is real neuroscience behind this.
Marketing people are creative people. And according to The Science of Creativity, being creative is the result of several key changes in brain activity; a decrease in the frontal lobe (the part of your brain responsible for logic) coupled with an increase in the “medial pre-frontal cortex” (your improvisation and emotions center). This combined with the dopamine release from something relaxing, like a hot bath, and the simple act of distracting yourself can kick-start your creative juices. Makes sense. Allegedly, Archimedes came up with the principles of density and buoyancy while sitting in his tub. Interesting. I’ve come up with a few gems myself whilst soaking in my master bath. Take for instance, THIS BLOG POST. Actually, I consider it to be some of my best bathroom work. I knew I wasn’t the only one. But it doesn’t have to be the tub. My husband once told me that he gets some of his best ideas when brushing his teeth. Low and behold, more time spent in ‘the chamber pot.’
So if you can’t seem to solve that one persistent problem, don’t lock yourself in the office; it might just be time you GAVE it ‘the office.’ Take a breather, brush your teeth, take a bath…or better yet, take a dump! Hey, Freud said it, not me. Who knows? You might just have the mother moment of pure creative genius while unleashing the mother-load. LOL! But seriously…
The Bottom Line:
For those of you who thought about quitting this read early on, congratulations on making it to this point. And for those of you who thought my initial estimate of 10-15 hours was a stretch, I’m not going to argue. My calculation of actual time invested in ‘le toilette’ isn’t exactly scientific. But either way, I think it’s safe to say that a lot more work actually takes place in ‘the commode’ than you might have originally thought. Whether you’re ignoring the rules of etiquette in public restrooms all around town, rubbing elbows with big-wigs in the ‘biffy,’ or pulling epiphanies out of you’re as$ at the homestead, it’s easy to see that these little moments can quickly add up to multiple hours in your work week. And I didn’t even delve into the time one might spend on ‘the throne’ thanks to the sheer stress of the profession that is AEC marketing and business development. Check out Dumb and Dumber; enough said. Last but certainly not least, for those of you who instantly understood my musings, you may have once dared to ask “are employee bathroom breaks subsidized?” The answer, sadly, is no. But if they WERE, and you added them all up, what might your bathroom billings be?
About the Blogger: Amy Villasana-Moore, CPSM is SMPS Arizona's 2015 Blog Chair, is a marketer and business developer, art and music enthusiast, fan of all animals, darkroom-trained photographer, recovering “workaholic” and movie buff. She can meet you at the intersection of “strange” and “brew” and if the need arises, can have an entire conversation with you using only movie quotes.
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